I love my husband. I especially love watching the spiritual journey God has him on right now. Since losing his job the first of May, he has committed to not just go for a job that supports our family, but is determined to seek God for what He has for him and our family. The pathway so far has been a bit like walking in the dark.
Chuck and I have been asking God to show us what we are to do. He is extraordinarily quiet, but there is a peace that we should just take step is in front of us. And the steps are new territory. We don't know where they are leading, if anywhere. We've asked for lots of prayer from people who we know have an ear to God, but they are only affirming we are on the path and God has got us.
I know it seems simplistic but walking in faith requires us to walk in the dark, not really knowing for sure where you are going but trusting you are in the right direction. We also trust that God will reroute us if we start heading in the wrong direction. Right now I'm experiencing God's grace in not knowing what is next. And I'm loving watching my husband lead the way.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
What do I mean by "Grace in the Gray"?
Six months since I last posted. Oh well this is how I journal too. I'll journal veraciously for 6 months and then nothing...life gets in the way. God though has been prompting me to write more and more to get my thoughts down...it helps me process them. It is the extrovert in me. But in processing my thoughts can seem really chaotic...so if you are reading this, I apologize in advance!
I feel like God dropped this phrase "Grace in the Gray" in my mind several years ago. I was bombarded with decisions, relationships and situations where the answers were not clear cut. The situations were not black and white where I could choose from two choices. The right way or the wrong way. It especially frustrated me when I would turn to the Bible, which I believe is God's primary direction for us, and not getting the clear cut answers. I wanted assurance I was living life the way God wanted me to. I wanted to please my heavenly Father by following him correctly, like a child wants to please their parent by doing well. But what happens when there is no clear "do this, do that" answer in the one book that I know to turn to? What if I choose wrong? Will I thwart God's plan for my life and others lives?
The problem is, in my quest to "do it right" I've been immobilized to make a decisions, minimized in my ability to love God, others and myself. But worst of all, it demonstrated my lack of trust and faith in God's power and sovereignty.
Sometimes it is a life impacting decision that we need to make and there is no clear choice. Like, "God, is this the job I'm supposed to take?" to "Is this the person I am supposed to marry?".
Sometimes it is a relationship that seemingly requires us to make difficult choices between to two differing values we carry. Such as "How do we love others even when we don't agree with the lifestyle or decisions they are making?". For example, what if a couple who you are close to makes a decision to abort a child who has a serious birth defect? (http://www.recycleyourfaith.com/2009/06/15/choices/) Or, how do you love and walk out a relationship with your child or a loved one that is living a homosexual lifestyle?
Or how about situations where God calls us to do things that we don't understand. Like, praying for healing of the sick when some get healed and some don't. Or tithing when we don't even have enough money to cover the bills. Or, forgiving someone who continually hurts us, like an ex-spouse, who we have to keep contact with.
These situations have no clear cut answers. There is no black or white, yes or no answers; only gray. That is where grace comes in.
Grace is often described as the "unmerited favour" from God. But it can also be described as 'enabling power sufficient for progression'. Grace is an indispensable gift from God for development, improvement, and character expansion, and without God's grace, there are certain limitations, weaknesses, flaws, impurities, and faults (i.e. carnality) mankind cannot overcome. Grace is often distinguished from mercy in that mercy is seen as not receiving punishment that one deserves to receive, whereas grace is the receipt of a positive benefit that we do not deserve to receive and is God's empowering presence enabling one to do and be what we were created to do and be.
We were created in God's image to love Him and love one another in radical ways. That often looks different than what I want or what the world and religion tells us it should be! This causes us to have wrestle with God in the midst of the gray of these situations. He is all about relationship with us and has not left us alone to figure it out alone, but he invites us to experience His grace and empowerment as we grow to what we were created to be. It is in my personal wrestling with God that my relationship with Him has grown and I'm growing in my trust of his power and sovereignty.
So that is what this blog is about for me. It gives me an outlet to wrestle with these questions. Everyone one of the situations I mentioned above I have personally been challenged with in some form. Some I have come to peace with, some I have not. So I hope that you will feel open to wrestle with me.
I feel like God dropped this phrase "Grace in the Gray" in my mind several years ago. I was bombarded with decisions, relationships and situations where the answers were not clear cut. The situations were not black and white where I could choose from two choices. The right way or the wrong way. It especially frustrated me when I would turn to the Bible, which I believe is God's primary direction for us, and not getting the clear cut answers. I wanted assurance I was living life the way God wanted me to. I wanted to please my heavenly Father by following him correctly, like a child wants to please their parent by doing well. But what happens when there is no clear "do this, do that" answer in the one book that I know to turn to? What if I choose wrong? Will I thwart God's plan for my life and others lives?
The problem is, in my quest to "do it right" I've been immobilized to make a decisions, minimized in my ability to love God, others and myself. But worst of all, it demonstrated my lack of trust and faith in God's power and sovereignty.
Sometimes it is a life impacting decision that we need to make and there is no clear choice. Like, "God, is this the job I'm supposed to take?" to "Is this the person I am supposed to marry?".
Sometimes it is a relationship that seemingly requires us to make difficult choices between to two differing values we carry. Such as "How do we love others even when we don't agree with the lifestyle or decisions they are making?". For example, what if a couple who you are close to makes a decision to abort a child who has a serious birth defect? (http://www.recycleyourfaith.com/2009/06/15/choices/) Or, how do you love and walk out a relationship with your child or a loved one that is living a homosexual lifestyle?
Or how about situations where God calls us to do things that we don't understand. Like, praying for healing of the sick when some get healed and some don't. Or tithing when we don't even have enough money to cover the bills. Or, forgiving someone who continually hurts us, like an ex-spouse, who we have to keep contact with.
These situations have no clear cut answers. There is no black or white, yes or no answers; only gray. That is where grace comes in.
Grace is often described as the "unmerited favour" from God. But it can also be described as 'enabling power sufficient for progression'. Grace is an indispensable gift from God for development, improvement, and character expansion, and without God's grace, there are certain limitations, weaknesses, flaws, impurities, and faults (i.e. carnality) mankind cannot overcome. Grace is often distinguished from mercy in that mercy is seen as not receiving punishment that one deserves to receive, whereas grace is the receipt of a positive benefit that we do not deserve to receive and is God's empowering presence enabling one to do and be what we were created to do and be.
We were created in God's image to love Him and love one another in radical ways. That often looks different than what I want or what the world and religion tells us it should be! This causes us to have wrestle with God in the midst of the gray of these situations. He is all about relationship with us and has not left us alone to figure it out alone, but he invites us to experience His grace and empowerment as we grow to what we were created to be. It is in my personal wrestling with God that my relationship with Him has grown and I'm growing in my trust of his power and sovereignty.
So that is what this blog is about for me. It gives me an outlet to wrestle with these questions. Everyone one of the situations I mentioned above I have personally been challenged with in some form. Some I have come to peace with, some I have not. So I hope that you will feel open to wrestle with me.
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