Lily of the Valley

The name "Lily of the Valley" is used in some English translations of the Bible in Matthew 6:28 and Song of Songs 2:1, although whether or not the Hebrew word "shoshana" (usually denoting a rose) originally used there refers to this species is uncertain. The meaning of this flower is "You will find Happiness."

And why worry about your clothes? Look at the lilies and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you? You have so little faith! So don't worry about having enough food or drink or clothing. Why be like the pagans who are so deeply concerned about these things? Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. Matthew 6:28-33 (NLT)

Young Man: "How beautiful you are, my beloved, how beautiful! Your eyes are soft like doves."

Young Woman: "I am the rose of Sharon, the lily of the valley."

Young Man: "Yes, compared to other women, my beloved is like a lily among thorns." (Song of Songs 1:15; 2:1-2)

About 4 years ago, I went on a women's retreat and one of the exercises they had us do was to ask God if he had a special name for us. I quickly heard the word "Lily". I wasn't sure where it was but I looked it up and found it in two places, in Solomon 2:1 and in the verse listed above. So as I read the verses in Matthew this morning, God took me back to that retreat and reminded me He had given me that name.

As I did research on the lily of the valley, I found that it was a common flower in the regions that it is grown in. It would be similiar to the beautiful wildflowers that you see in the spring as you drive down the highway, like a bluebonnet. Simple, common, yet stunning. The meaning of the name of the flower is "You will find happiness." (Wikopedia)

Well happiness I did find this morning in my quiet time. God spoke deeply & personally to me about this simple flower through these scriptures.

The first thing "aha" I had this morning was from the Song of Solomon verse. In the dialogue between a woman and her lover, the lover is telling her how beautiful and meaniful she is to him. But her response back could be interpreted as a brush off of the compliment. By stating she was a lily of the valley, she was stating that she was but a common girl, nothing special to deserve the love of such a man. But his response back was, to tell her she was a beautiful flower among the thorns!

How often do I tell God that I don't deserve his love? I think myself to be a simple, messed up person who believes deep down I don't really have this unwaivering, passionate love of the king. Well, I experienced that love supernaturally this morning. What a gift.

Then as I turned to the Matthew verses God brought to mind more of a reminder rather than "ahas". I've struggled, as many women have, with weight issues the majority of my life. I know the Matthew verse really speaks to God's provision, but ultimately, the issues of our eating comes from a basic lack of trusting God. We turn to shopping or food or sex or alcohol (the list is endless of our idols) and surrendering our fears, control, thoughts and emotions instead of turning to the God who is more than able to provide for us, protect us and cherish us. Now I understand that my body is a temple and that I need to care for it, which He will show me how to do. But He reminded me that I am a lily. I am beautiful. And if I focus on the kingdom, take the steps to treat my body well, then my happiness, joy and peace will come from Him, not the scale.

I've also been prone over these last months to allow my fear level to rise or decreased based on the status of the stock market that day. Trusting the signs of the economy is a bit like building your house on sand vs. the rock. God just reminded me again, I am a lily. A flower that thrives and flourishes with or without the aid of man, because it is cared for by the master gardener.

I've been recently thinking about getting a tatoo. Lily of the Valley, might just be it.

Thoughts on Bethel

So last week was my trip to visit Bill Johnson's church, Bethel, out in Redding California. I attended the Advance Leader's conference which was by invitation only. I was there with 800 of my closest friends, of which included Sandy Freese and Jill Sloneker.

After a stopover in Napa Valley on the way out (What happens in Napa stays in Napa!) we headed up 3 hours north from there to Redding. It is beautiful country surrounded by hills. Bethel Church is located up on a hill and the view from there is breathtaking on clear days.

Besides the breathtaking view, the culture at at Bethel was inspiring. I wasn't surprised that they were so steeped in the supernatural, but they made it very NATURAL. There was a sense of anticipation for God to move in powerful ways and the prophetic there was very normal. Within 5 minutes of walking in the door, a man named Bill offered to draw prophetic pictures for us and pray for us. Apparently that is something Bethel teaches at their Supernatural School of Ministry. After he was done, Bill took us on a tour of the building and shared with us about the School. The school currently has almost 900 students in it's first year program, approximately 250 in the second year and 50-60 in their 3rd year. Each year the student is invited back based on their performance and God's calling on them. Bill had completed his 3rd year and was not on staff but very involved behind the scenes. By the way, did I mention Bill was in his late 70's?

One of the other highlights of being at the conference was of course hearing Bill Johnson speak but also Kris Valloton and Danny Silk, additional teaching pastors there. They spoke to a room full of pastors and senior leaders of having honor in the church culture for each other. How important it is to honor those who have walked the spiritual path before us. Danny Silk spoke about being the importance of being in covenant relationship with one another, not ending relationships when it hits storms. He referenced Bill Johnson's support for Todd Bentley as an example of support for a friend and fellow pastor even through a moral failure.

Kris also spoke of making our churches a safe place for people to make mistakes, especially when people are learning and growing in a culture of operating in supernatural gifts. They see the church as the classroom, teaching and training with hitting the streets and loving people as the end in mind. In fact, first year students of the School of Supernatural Ministry is graduated unless they have failed at least 3 times. If they don't fail, they have not risked.

They made a point of how many churches would change processes and systems to stop behavior that is unwanted. For example, if a church had an open mic for prophetic words and someone gave something that was off, they would stop having open mic versus using it as a teaching moment for the one who gave the off-balanced word. Honor in their culture means speaking the truth in love even when it is difficult and redirecting people when necessary. Such a healthy choice of leadership!

Then Bill shared of so many healing testimonies that had occurred on their property and through their teams. I came back to Ohio with my faith infused. It is amazing how much of a malaise you can get into when you are not in an environment where the supernatural is not commonly experienced. It becomes the exception versus the norm and I can find myself quickly leaking the faith that was infused into me. It just reminds me how much I have to stay in God's presence and word, believing it CAN be different. How critical it is to surround myself with people who are hungry and desperate for the power of God to be demonstrated through signs and wonders, seeing lives being transformed.

But I have to say my favorite part of my visit was the Alabaster House, which is their 24/7 prayer environment. It is an octagonal building that is walled with windows giving a full view of the Redding area. Located high on a hill, it gives people who are praying an opportunity to face any direction and pray over that regional area. Surrounding the building is gardens, a walking path, a pond with koy fish and of course, the pool of Bethseda (see picture below). In the water pool, there is a concrete sculture of an angel. Just stunning.

On our last night, Bill Johnson and his team laid hands on every single person at the conference imparting to us. Jill, Sandy and I all noticed a tangible difference in the spirit when Bill laid his hands on us. So we all walked away with the belief that we had received an impartation of anointing and will keep pressing in for all that God has for us here in Ohio.

STILL SO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT PRAYER...

I just love the irony that I'm supposed to be some what of an "expert" on prayer when I still have so many frustrations and questions about it.

As I've been praying for some very specific situations some questions have raised in my mind. Like, can we enable someone through our prayers to continue in a path that may not be God's best for them? For example, a person really wants a specific outcome for a difficult situation they are facing and we gather 30 or 40 people to pray that outcome. First question, does God listen to our prayers because 30 or 40 prayed vs. 2 praying? Does the amount of prayers tilt the cosmic scale in heaven one direction or the other?

Secondly, what if with all the people praying, the answer continues to be unclear or a no? I would think we should stop and ask God, is there something different you want for this person? AND what if the there is something different for the person and I alone start praying THAT for them. Am I combating the other 29 people who are praying for the alternate answer? Does the other 29 people's prayers delay what God really wants to do? And does it really have anything to do with us at all? Maybe our prayers are just a show of solidarity for this person and God's prolonging the answer as He completes a work in that person. Ok...my head is hurting now....

Or another struggle for me is regarding the elections. I know enough that I have no clue what is in each of the candidate's hearts. I can go on their past behaviors of a candidate, but only God knows his destiny and if there might be a radical change of heart in the future that will change the course of history for us. So I choose to pray that God will place HIS candidate in the seat of presidency. That a righteous person, one that is or will be after God's heart will be placed in office. In essence, GOD's will be done in the election. Ok having said that, "How long do I have to pray that prayer?" It somewhat feels like I am asking over and over for something that I believe God wants do to anyway. Shouldn't I just have enough faith to trust that is what God will do? According to all the emails about the election I get, it feels I should be in constant prayer for the elections as this is the only situation on earth that demands God's attention. (Ok, so I'm a bit tired of all the emails, because it feels like I'm being pressured to pray vs. wanting to because I like my conversation and friendship with God and I feel prompted to pray for the elections. Forgive my testy remarks.)

It is funny. With as many questions as I have, I take great comfort in the fact that my prayer life doesn't have to be perfect. It's ok I have these rhetorical type questions. In fact, I think it makes my relationship with God more lively and interesting because He doesn't rebuke my questions, but invites me to lean into him to learn more. That is a great thing, because I have lots more!

Tough Appointments

The past 4 days have been filled with appointments ministering to people with deep pain over the mistakes they had made. Mistakes that have hurt not only themselves, but others. They were not experiencing just the "I'm sorry..I got caught" type of pain. No this was deep anguish with mourning and wailing. It was so intense just sitting with them as snot dripped from their noses, enveloped in shame and guilt, hopeless and in despair. They were feeling the repercussions of their choices and facing the consequences of their actions. It was overwhelming to me.

It never ceases to amaze me how God gives me the ability to sit and be with them, offering His hope at the right time, while remaining calm. Praying with them is an honor and a divine opportunity that God has entrusted to me. But I have to admit tonight my heart hurts. You can't minister in those types of intense situations and walk away untouched.

It adds to the saddness because I know the path of healing each will need to take and it is not a quick or smooth one usually. There are no bandaids quick fixes. It will take much humility on their part and lots of time to rebuild the emotional equity lost in the relationships. There is also no guarantee that those they hurt will choose to walk the path of healing with them.

I am seasoned enough to know I can't carry the emotional burdens of those I minister to. And I won't. Tonight it just seems harder than others though. Maybe because I am really tired, maybe because of how close they came together. Whatever the reason, I really want and need to feel God's touch so that I can start back over tomorrow. Come Holy Spirit....

Perseverance

As we know Jesus better, his divine power gives us everything we need for living a godly life....Knowing God leads to self control. Self-control leads to patient endurance, and patient endurance leads to godliness. Godliness leads to love for other Christians and finally you will grow to have genuine love for everyone.

1 Peter 3; 6-7

Can I just say how proud I am of my daughter Samantha?

Samantha is 14 and is now in 9th grade. This past summer she decided to go out for the soccer team at PHS. Now understand, she has played some soccer in the past and loved it. It kinda runs in the family since her dad used to play pro many years ago. So it is also a great point of connection for them. My hesistancy was that she was carrying a bit more weight than a normal girl her age and out of shape. She knew this and was part of the reason for her decision. So I encouraged her.

So she joined summer soccer conditioning. Running is the backbone of the conditioning. Sam couldnt run down to the end of the block when she started and within 2 weeks was expected to run a 3 mile run. So day after day I picked her up, sweaty and crying saying how much it hurt. I'd ask her, do you want to keep going? And every day the answer would be the same. "Mom, I'll ice down and be ok." Because she ran behind everyone else, she would talk of the older girls and how they would keep pace with her and encourage her to the next stop point.

Her skills were not great, but her perseverance remained and her determination grew stronger. When it came for choosing the team she was choosen for JV Soccer! A day of celebration but then followed by many games so far on the bench. And after each game on the bench, she maintains a positive additude cheering her team mates, thankful to be a part of something bigger than she. My heart swells with pride.

So this weekend, she has chosen to give up going to KI with the family for her dad's company picnic for a last minute rescheduled game, with the hopes of playing. And who will be sitting along the edge cheering??? I wouldnt miss it for the world!

GO VIKES!

Steady as she goes....

So this past week I got my annual review and one of the words that was used to describe me was "steady". It's taken me several days to process why that word bothered me so much. There are so many other descriptions that I would have liked to hear. Descriptions like star-player, excelled, crucial to the success of the team, etc; not STEADY.

Steady seems boring and ho-hum. Not exciting at all. Nothing out of the ordinary. No WOW factor!

So as I am processing this, God reminded me that in my roller coaster past, that steady would have NEVER been a word that could have been used to describe me. I was never settled enough in myself to stay in one place for more than a couple of years. I was never ok with being so-so in my job, I had to over-achieve. My emotions swung either far to the right or the left (remember that black/white thing?). I was always a wild as a "march hare" as my mom would say. And by the way, what the heck is a "march hare" anyway????

Then God also reminded me of one of the most steady people I know. My husband. He is reliable, stable, rock-solid. That was one of the things that drew me to him the most. He was so unlike me! And if you know him at all...certainly not boring!

And then something came into my memory that I had prayed almost a year ago. I wanted to be consistent in areas I could never gain traction in. Like consistent exercising and eating right. Consistency in my schedule. Consistency in relational aspects, like disciplining the kids.

And as I look back over the past year, those things are taking place, some more than others, but it is happening. And, I guess that has been seen in my work life. I'm putting one foot in front of the other to do the work and leaving the results to God.

But to be honest, as I look back it has seemed a bit boring. Not much drama going on. But life has been good this year. So as my friend Kande would say, "Being steady ain't sexy...but it's got teeth." I guess I can live with that!

Experiencing God

I loved listening to Beth Guttenburg's stories this weekend. I have not had the opportunity to read her book "Reckless Faith" yet, but have heard her God stories are impactful and challenging.

In the course of her talk, she reminded me of how important it is as Christ followers not to be asking God what His will is for our lives, but instead to ask Him "God where are you moving at that I can join in"?

This is a paradigm shift for many of us. I know it was for me when I first did the "Experiencing God" study by Henry Blackaby. It was the first time my eyes were opened to this reality. Actually it is one of 7 realities that Blackaby identifies which are often cyclical in our lives. They are:

• God is always at work around you.
• God pursues a continuing love relationship with you that is real and personal.
• God invites you to become involved with Him in His work.
• God speaks by the Holy Spirit through the Bible, prayer, circumstances, and the church to reveal Himself, His purposes, and His ways.
• God’s invitation for you to work with Him always leads you to a crisis of belief that requires faith and action.
• You must make major adjustments in your life to join God in what He is doing.
• You come to know God by experience as you obey Him and He accomplishes His work through you.

I went back to my "Experiencing God" workbook and began to reflect on times when I saw these truths play out in my life. The first time I can remember clearly God "speaking to me" and inviting me into his work was the first time I came on staff at VCC as a pastor of small groups. I had no pastoral experience, no biblical education and felt so inadequate. But oh did I feel passionate! I came to a hugh crisis of faith. I was a proverbial Moses telling God why I couldn't. But I can still remember the burning in my heart of hope that maybe I could. My crisis of faith was surrendering my inadequacy to God to turn it to adequacy.

The second time was when God spoke very clearly to quit that very same job to stay home and minister to my family. My crisis of faith was if I were to give up being a pastor, would I ever be one again? I felt like I finally found what I was created to do, and now God was asking me to give it back to Him? My crisis of faith was trusting that I would ever be able to do paid pastoral ministry again. I was giving back to God the very gift I was confident came from him the first place. I grieved the loss....

And then a third...when I was invited back into a temporary role for funerals and pastoral care. God showed me clearly a vision of invitation. One to raise the banner of prayer at VCC. Would I join Him? Crisis of faith one more time. Prayer? Feelings of inadequacy once again washed over me.

Each time He spoke and I answered, surrendering my inadequacy, my doubts and fears, I learned more about myself and about the goodness and power of God.

So here I am again. God is speaking to me about moving forward on a project that I feel totally inadequate. And I just keep reminding myself:

God is able to do anything He pleases with one ordinary person who is fully consecrated to Him.

Dave Ramsey is da bomb!

This week I began leading a table at the Financial Peace course that VCC is offering for it's staff during the day. It is my second time taking the course. Chuck and I took it last fall together and were blown away by how Dave presented great financial principles with such wisdom and LOTS of humor. So we got on a budget and started showing our money where to go, instead of wondering where it went. Unfortunately, it lasted as long as the course lasted.

It is amazing how quickly we fall back into bad habits. It was so freeing to live on cash. But it takes WORK!

Budgeting is so tricky. It never seems to be the same and I'm constantly revising it. Paying bills and doing budgets take time and it rates along the same lines as a root canal for me. I will tend to clean the toilet before I do bills.

I do love the results though. To see our debt being paid down feels like a great achievement and the hope of one day being completely debt free keeps me hanging on. I just so want to be there yesterday....no last week! Budgeting is also so tricky. It never seems to be the same and I'm constantly revising it. It takes time and is frustrating.

So I am have given myself grace and am accepting that although I took 2 steps forward and 1 step back, I will continue to walk steadily and surely in weekly budgeting and will be satisfied watching the debt go away slowly, resting in the fact that perseverance and self-discipline builds character and maturity.

Crash 08 here we come!

Well we arrived in this morning to Ireland. It really is as beautiful as the pictures. People are even friendlier. We arrived in time to catch the last part of the Vineyard Dungannon celebration where Jason and his team were sharing about their mission trip to India. Unbelievable how they went to serve there. Jason and Michelle Scott are fabulous people with a big heart for the Kingdom of God and those who need his salvation, healing and restoration.

The team did really well in travelling and seem to be getting along well with each other and their host homes. I love the team's heart to serve Jason and VCD. We start the outreaches tomorrow with kids block parties in the morning and SE projects in the afternoon. Should be a fun day!

Celtic Bliss headed my way!

So today I leave for Northern Ireland with a team of 13 other people to serve at an servant evangelism conference with the Dungannon Vineyard.

I always hold this tension when I leave for big trips like this. My default is to have expectations, sometimes conciously, sometimes unconciously. And I'm almost always disappointed. India was one of those times. I went with expectations for one thing to happen and God just totally messed me up in a different way! Not in a bad way, but I think because of my expectations the lesson he was teaching me was much harder than it had to be. Like a horse digging in it's hooves not wanting to budge from the place they are at!

So I'm determined to not have expectation but anticipation. Living in the joy (and trepidation) of the unknown looking for what new adventure God has for me that day. Living in the moment, so to say.

Pray for us as a team to fully live in the moment and enjoy all that God has for us and that we will be a blessing to the Vineyard Dungannon as we serve them and their city!