Tough Appointments

The past 4 days have been filled with appointments ministering to people with deep pain over the mistakes they had made. Mistakes that have hurt not only themselves, but others. They were not experiencing just the "I'm sorry..I got caught" type of pain. No this was deep anguish with mourning and wailing. It was so intense just sitting with them as snot dripped from their noses, enveloped in shame and guilt, hopeless and in despair. They were feeling the repercussions of their choices and facing the consequences of their actions. It was overwhelming to me.

It never ceases to amaze me how God gives me the ability to sit and be with them, offering His hope at the right time, while remaining calm. Praying with them is an honor and a divine opportunity that God has entrusted to me. But I have to admit tonight my heart hurts. You can't minister in those types of intense situations and walk away untouched.

It adds to the saddness because I know the path of healing each will need to take and it is not a quick or smooth one usually. There are no bandaids quick fixes. It will take much humility on their part and lots of time to rebuild the emotional equity lost in the relationships. There is also no guarantee that those they hurt will choose to walk the path of healing with them.

I am seasoned enough to know I can't carry the emotional burdens of those I minister to. And I won't. Tonight it just seems harder than others though. Maybe because I am really tired, maybe because of how close they came together. Whatever the reason, I really want and need to feel God's touch so that I can start back over tomorrow. Come Holy Spirit....

Perseverance

As we know Jesus better, his divine power gives us everything we need for living a godly life....Knowing God leads to self control. Self-control leads to patient endurance, and patient endurance leads to godliness. Godliness leads to love for other Christians and finally you will grow to have genuine love for everyone.

1 Peter 3; 6-7

Can I just say how proud I am of my daughter Samantha?

Samantha is 14 and is now in 9th grade. This past summer she decided to go out for the soccer team at PHS. Now understand, she has played some soccer in the past and loved it. It kinda runs in the family since her dad used to play pro many years ago. So it is also a great point of connection for them. My hesistancy was that she was carrying a bit more weight than a normal girl her age and out of shape. She knew this and was part of the reason for her decision. So I encouraged her.

So she joined summer soccer conditioning. Running is the backbone of the conditioning. Sam couldnt run down to the end of the block when she started and within 2 weeks was expected to run a 3 mile run. So day after day I picked her up, sweaty and crying saying how much it hurt. I'd ask her, do you want to keep going? And every day the answer would be the same. "Mom, I'll ice down and be ok." Because she ran behind everyone else, she would talk of the older girls and how they would keep pace with her and encourage her to the next stop point.

Her skills were not great, but her perseverance remained and her determination grew stronger. When it came for choosing the team she was choosen for JV Soccer! A day of celebration but then followed by many games so far on the bench. And after each game on the bench, she maintains a positive additude cheering her team mates, thankful to be a part of something bigger than she. My heart swells with pride.

So this weekend, she has chosen to give up going to KI with the family for her dad's company picnic for a last minute rescheduled game, with the hopes of playing. And who will be sitting along the edge cheering??? I wouldnt miss it for the world!

GO VIKES!

Steady as she goes....

So this past week I got my annual review and one of the words that was used to describe me was "steady". It's taken me several days to process why that word bothered me so much. There are so many other descriptions that I would have liked to hear. Descriptions like star-player, excelled, crucial to the success of the team, etc; not STEADY.

Steady seems boring and ho-hum. Not exciting at all. Nothing out of the ordinary. No WOW factor!

So as I am processing this, God reminded me that in my roller coaster past, that steady would have NEVER been a word that could have been used to describe me. I was never settled enough in myself to stay in one place for more than a couple of years. I was never ok with being so-so in my job, I had to over-achieve. My emotions swung either far to the right or the left (remember that black/white thing?). I was always a wild as a "march hare" as my mom would say. And by the way, what the heck is a "march hare" anyway????

Then God also reminded me of one of the most steady people I know. My husband. He is reliable, stable, rock-solid. That was one of the things that drew me to him the most. He was so unlike me! And if you know him at all...certainly not boring!

And then something came into my memory that I had prayed almost a year ago. I wanted to be consistent in areas I could never gain traction in. Like consistent exercising and eating right. Consistency in my schedule. Consistency in relational aspects, like disciplining the kids.

And as I look back over the past year, those things are taking place, some more than others, but it is happening. And, I guess that has been seen in my work life. I'm putting one foot in front of the other to do the work and leaving the results to God.

But to be honest, as I look back it has seemed a bit boring. Not much drama going on. But life has been good this year. So as my friend Kande would say, "Being steady ain't sexy...but it's got teeth." I guess I can live with that!

Experiencing God

I loved listening to Beth Guttenburg's stories this weekend. I have not had the opportunity to read her book "Reckless Faith" yet, but have heard her God stories are impactful and challenging.

In the course of her talk, she reminded me of how important it is as Christ followers not to be asking God what His will is for our lives, but instead to ask Him "God where are you moving at that I can join in"?

This is a paradigm shift for many of us. I know it was for me when I first did the "Experiencing God" study by Henry Blackaby. It was the first time my eyes were opened to this reality. Actually it is one of 7 realities that Blackaby identifies which are often cyclical in our lives. They are:

• God is always at work around you.
• God pursues a continuing love relationship with you that is real and personal.
• God invites you to become involved with Him in His work.
• God speaks by the Holy Spirit through the Bible, prayer, circumstances, and the church to reveal Himself, His purposes, and His ways.
• God’s invitation for you to work with Him always leads you to a crisis of belief that requires faith and action.
• You must make major adjustments in your life to join God in what He is doing.
• You come to know God by experience as you obey Him and He accomplishes His work through you.

I went back to my "Experiencing God" workbook and began to reflect on times when I saw these truths play out in my life. The first time I can remember clearly God "speaking to me" and inviting me into his work was the first time I came on staff at VCC as a pastor of small groups. I had no pastoral experience, no biblical education and felt so inadequate. But oh did I feel passionate! I came to a hugh crisis of faith. I was a proverbial Moses telling God why I couldn't. But I can still remember the burning in my heart of hope that maybe I could. My crisis of faith was surrendering my inadequacy to God to turn it to adequacy.

The second time was when God spoke very clearly to quit that very same job to stay home and minister to my family. My crisis of faith was if I were to give up being a pastor, would I ever be one again? I felt like I finally found what I was created to do, and now God was asking me to give it back to Him? My crisis of faith was trusting that I would ever be able to do paid pastoral ministry again. I was giving back to God the very gift I was confident came from him the first place. I grieved the loss....

And then a third...when I was invited back into a temporary role for funerals and pastoral care. God showed me clearly a vision of invitation. One to raise the banner of prayer at VCC. Would I join Him? Crisis of faith one more time. Prayer? Feelings of inadequacy once again washed over me.

Each time He spoke and I answered, surrendering my inadequacy, my doubts and fears, I learned more about myself and about the goodness and power of God.

So here I am again. God is speaking to me about moving forward on a project that I feel totally inadequate. And I just keep reminding myself:

God is able to do anything He pleases with one ordinary person who is fully consecrated to Him.

Dave Ramsey is da bomb!

This week I began leading a table at the Financial Peace course that VCC is offering for it's staff during the day. It is my second time taking the course. Chuck and I took it last fall together and were blown away by how Dave presented great financial principles with such wisdom and LOTS of humor. So we got on a budget and started showing our money where to go, instead of wondering where it went. Unfortunately, it lasted as long as the course lasted.

It is amazing how quickly we fall back into bad habits. It was so freeing to live on cash. But it takes WORK!

Budgeting is so tricky. It never seems to be the same and I'm constantly revising it. Paying bills and doing budgets take time and it rates along the same lines as a root canal for me. I will tend to clean the toilet before I do bills.

I do love the results though. To see our debt being paid down feels like a great achievement and the hope of one day being completely debt free keeps me hanging on. I just so want to be there yesterday....no last week! Budgeting is also so tricky. It never seems to be the same and I'm constantly revising it. It takes time and is frustrating.

So I am have given myself grace and am accepting that although I took 2 steps forward and 1 step back, I will continue to walk steadily and surely in weekly budgeting and will be satisfied watching the debt go away slowly, resting in the fact that perseverance and self-discipline builds character and maturity.