Getting Married on Skype??

I was on my way in this morning and on the radio station they were talking about a man and a woman, who had never met, getting married on Skype. If you aren't into the whole internet thing, it is a new way to make video phone calls from your computer. All free for anyone who has internet and a webcam attached or in their computer.

My first thought was, how afraid people are getting of intimacy. We long for friendships so that we are not alone but yet we turn to the internet for companionship, where it is easy to be anything we want...and we can portray ourselves in anyway and often not the way we really are.

Yet the DJ took several callers of couples who had dated on the internet for months, even years without meeting. Then once they met in person decided to get married within days or weeks of meeting. It is as if they had done all the emotional connectivity over the internet through emails, phone calls, video phone calls, etc. The only last thing to do was to meet to find out if there was physical attraction. What many found is that because they became so emotionally connected without the distraction of physical intimacy, they felt immediately connected physically when they met in person. Isn't that interesting?

As a pastor, I've married many couples who were co-habitating or who had engaged in sexual relations prior to getting married. One common excuse to have pre-marital sex is “I have to have sex to know whether my partner is compatible for me.” While this seems to make sense intuitively, actually the opposite is true. Research indicates that couples who cohabit before marriage have a 50 percent higher divorce rate than those who don't. These couples also have higher rates of domestic violence and are more likely to be involved in sexual affairs. If a cohabiting couple gets pregnant, there is a high probability that the man will leave the relationship within two years, resulting in a single mom raising a fatherless child. As a matter of fact, people who have sex outside of marriage usually don't wind up marrying each other. Ok, so maybe not such a good idea?

Here is my belief: That when a couple engages in sexual activity prior to marriage they short-change what dating and courting is meant for. They move from seeking to get to know that person on an emotional level to seeking to connect with them physically. The relationship primarily becomes about the sex which they think that is what is enriching their intimacy. While it might be physically satisfying it stunts the emotional bonding between them. Dating is supposed to be the time where couples evaluate one another to see if this person would be someone who is healthy emotionally and relationally, balanced mentally and is able to give and receive love fully. To see if their values and desires for life are the same.

As they date, if they do begin to see red flags in the other person it is way more difficult to break off the relationship because of the spiritual aspect of sex that happens when they are joined together as one (Gen. 2:24). And any future relationships are affected because part of that other person still stays with us due to the spiritual tie that was created by sex outside of marriage.

So, could it be that internet dating is a good thing? It might be if it allows a couple to get to know one another through verbal communication and not physical. A thought that makes you go hmmmmm.